Part 23

On the path back to the Ettin's...lair, I guess? How would you describe a four square section of mine with no furniture or anything of note besides a treasure chest and an Ettin? Anyhoo, on the way back our intrepid journeymen discover a crack in the wall, one that may need some scooby-dooing

That's quite a whipping that sharga is getting. If these dwarves weren't here maybe me and that hole could get something going

That about covers it. Every group has one, the guy whose only contribution is mentioning what's going on as though the rest of us somehow managed to miss it. I used to get angry, but now I realize that blow to the head probably did more damage than we thought

Well, that's not quite right. They're also comedically small, and frankly they are shit at fighting. They're also very annoying most of the time

Juding by the three dwarves I'm aware of, your people shouldn't focus so much on slavery or shargas and should instead focus on hating getting imprisoned, because it it wasn't for me you'd all still be trapped in your pleasure chests

Alright troops, let's move out

Plug that leaky vagina of yours and let's go. We've killed two hundred of those fuckers since breakfast, we don't exactly have the moral high ground here

What luck! A rotten chunk of meat that causes me to gag and fails to restore health! I'm going to file this below the shit on the usefulness scale

Well here's that critical piece of equipment I missed the first time 'round. Any one remember the barrier of spears that had the switch that had to be hit with a projectile to be activated? No? Anyways, this is what was back there, a runestaff. Let's get magical

Not just a runestaff, but also some shiny new or slightly used runes! A healing rune and a translation rune, that pretty much covers both ends of the spectrum of rune importance

Lucky I read the scrolls in the order I did, or I'd have been fucked. Now I am thankfully able to translate all of those ancient texts I come across* (*no ancient texts so far)

Beast to record what rune does what before I forget. Here's also where you inscribe runes onto your runestaff using the runefeather

I see you there Ettin! Always lazing about, too sleepy to kill anyone who doesn't actively try to wake you up. Your tiredness will be your undoing!

Guess who cast the sneak rune on himself? If you guessed anyone other than me, you're probably Farley. Now that sweet goblin head shaped key is mine, and with it access to the throg temple of doom

While I'm at it I might as well steal their library. This is the most interesting green mushroom related text anyone is likely to read tonight!

With the clever use of editing you'd probably think this scroll is also from the Ettin. Wrong! It's from the first hallway in the next level down, just laying near some barrels, I just cut out the middle forty steps. Convenient for everyone involved. Except the guy that wrote the scroll, doesn't sound like he's having a good time at all

What's that all tucked away behind those barrels? Some kind of new weapon or delicious non-root based food?

So it's just a dwarf corpse? That's disappointing. Even Elizabeth in her prime couldn't make a meal of cooked days old dwarf palatable, and it's becoming less and less likely she's down here at all

A little further down the line we happen upon this bizarre tiny statue of a monster holding a rock above its head. Sacred talisman or spiritually charged icon perhaps?

Maybe this is just the minor differences in regional dialects rearing its head, but where I come from Quaff means something decidedly different than what you're using it for

I've always found quafs to be rather enjoyable you dwarven prudes

roofie colada

I don't even want it, but sometimes you've just gots to be contrarian

Gadzooka, it's the first magicka recharging circle! Much like the pink fountain, this circle can be visited indefinitely to recharge runestaffs. And it's conveniently located at the ass end of the level all by itself, meaning a long walk everytime you want to go there

Skeletons? We don't tend to get many of your kind this side of the living/dead divide, say you wouldn't happen to have any updates on Elizabeth or Gorilla ChopWood or Father Time would you?

I guess you aren't as impervious to fireballs as you thought huh bonesy? And don't even think of recomposing yourself and coming after me, that'd just be cheap. When you knock down a skeleton, it should stay down for some reason! This is getting a little spooky, I think the fellas could use some light-hearted comic relief, and soon

Fuck yeah, it's Clowny McTeleportington!